Peaceful Chaos

So, where to begin and where to end. The ending begins the cyclic start of metaphoric chaos that seems to consume the way I view things..... sort of. Basically what is happening is seemingly endless, and therefore must have some place to start. Before I go on allow me to introduce the problem.
Basically there is something that has been bugging me for a while. As some of you know, I have been struggling with an "addiction." This single, parasite, this single deed, this one small tumor in my life has managed to destroy just about everything I thought I stood for. Confused? Don't worry so am I. To make things clearer, I'm going to go ahead and say that this addiction is to pornography. Ya, the killer of thousands of marriages, destroyer of millions of homes, and assassin of billions of relationships. Yet it is still there. I have not only heard of lives destroyed by this but i have experienced it, through my friends, through acquaintances, and through experience. Now I am glad to admit that it has become less of an issue. I am sorry to admit that it has only led to more problems.
I have become one of the thousands of modern teens who has become hooked by computer games, specifically the exorbitantly popular MMORPG (Multi-Massive Online Role Playing Game) genre. Sure this isn't a bad thing, right? I guess that is right; but not in the way that it has manifested itself in my life and in the lives of many teens worldwide. It consumes our thoughts making it impossible to concentrate on our work. It consumes our time, making us moan at the thought of having to leave this time investment to complete other assignments. It consumes our honesty making us lie to a friend or even use it as a really lame excuse to get out of something. (umm, ya Tom, i cant go to that movie tonight im doing something.... die cyborg die, umm i mean bye) or something along those random lines. Sure it does help with keeping my focus on something other than all the pressure that i have right now, or even off the original addiction.
It has led to more complaints about how life is going, my attempt to maintain a positive attitude has turned into more of a facade that I try to keep around other so that they are comfortable around me. The problem is it has become so uncontrolable that i can hardly distinguish between when im faking something and when im myself. Scary but true.
It has destroyed my grades in school and i find myself more on the catch-up track trying to look like I have everything under control when really things are more confusing now that i have learned about them than they were when I knew nothing about them.
I would like to take this chance to apologize. To my friends, sorry if I'm being a hypocrite, or just seem distant or changed. I want to be back, but I'm still trying to get things straightened out so that I can see the light to the way out. To all those who I gave a lame excuse to, I'm not blaming the addiction, it's me, and im sorry. To those I have disappointed, PLEASE come talk to me about it, I don't wish the pain i have caused to be forced upon anyone. To my Family and my Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I'm glad to call you such. You have been the hope i have been holding on to. Thank you.

-Radu Rodila

P.S.- Kelsey if you read this i understand what you mean by bipolar blogs :P