simplicity

It's foolish. You sit back in that chair and act like nothing is happening to you. I mean, hey, why not? I love it when you don't act, you see that boy on the corner there? How about them girls on the street curb? You know what they gonna do, don't deny it. Face it you doubt yourself. Oh sure, you hear a good encouraging message now and then; you act on a resolve a few days out of a week, but where are you now? I'll tell you where, under my thumb. Every time you turn the other cheek your only doing what I want you to do. Don't try to deny it, you're just lying to yourself and pushing your way deeper into the trap. I mean how simple can you be. I know EXACTLY what you want to do and when your feeling in the mood to let up. Pshh, you think you have the strength or knowledge to outwit me. I OWN you, I feed on your WEAKNESSES and HIT you when your down. I sever every fiber of your resistance until you cant stand. Trust me when I say your the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. You grovel in your own self pity and manage to disguise your pains from others. You know the right words to say every time and you wonder if you have finally found your way back to this God of yours. Well he was right you know. You do like to fight me often, but your still a puny lamb to my prowling lion. You leave the doors to your heart open so often that messing up your home is simple work. I like you though. Every time that Jesus comes by your doors are bolted. Sure you feel the encouragement from his knock but I sincerely appreciate how your just TOO busy at that particular moment and cant answer the call. I mean, i do all the work around here, why don't you just give up and let me do my job without having to fight you off every now and then. You know the pleasures I offer you i can give at any time. You know how this has all worked so well in the past. Why do you continue to resist? How far do I have to go to kill you? Why do you continue to look up as if there is any hope left? Do you not see that those chains are unbreakable? Look at you, your a groveling mess. Your rags are barely enough to cover your decency and your all mud stained and broken boned. Your starving so much that I marvel at the fact that your still alive. Just tell me one thing, Why keep going even when all you've seen so far is blood, pain, and torture? How are you still not yet dead?

(A voice full of energy and vibrating with an unknown power resounds through the dark, empty halls of the body)
simple, what you see before you is what remains, those chains hold down the corpse of who we use to be. Now its just you speaking to some tattered remains whilst I prepare for my King.

**for some reason i still feel like im in that first stage. i just hope that soon ill be able to proclaim the second part wholeheartedly. I know that is probably not where i should be but God has a plan through everything, im just deaf from the bombardments of sin and cant hear the orders i guess. Well God bless all of you!

Memories of how it use to be!

So back in Language Arts, we had a whole section on transcendentalism and nature. We had to write a nature letter to a random person describing what we saw after a 5 minute "field trip" to the forest behind the school. I was not there because of Governor's Honors Program first round interviews, so i had to come up with the letter on the metaphorical "spot". Looking back this is one of the better papers i wrote for that class, and with all the assignments we had, that is saying a lot.
so without further ado:

Dear reader,

Nature is a beautiful thing. Nothing can truly separate us from that fact. Tales have been told of its beauty, songs sung of its majesty, and psalms written of its tenderness. When we are one with nature we are but one with ourselves. We define what little is left of the marvelous little that occupies the grandeur of the heart. But how can something with so many dangers be so beautiful? The way I see it, nature all in the balance, we hold the key to the sparrows song and the mountains mists and the splendor of the fall.

I was out in the forest one day. What a marvelous sight to behold! The trees surrendered to the might of the wind; their leaves flowed freely as if golden extensions of the rising sun’s rays. The chill of the morning air settled onto my bare skin numbing the extensions of my essence to a point of almost no return. The sight was miraculous. I could see the ripples of the water as geese glided gracefully down with majestic quacks to alert of their presence. The withered gold that fell from dyeing or dead branches to the firm ground beneath. I could hear the gentle shift of gravel as a squirrel scurried across trying to find a perfect place to bury its nutty treasures. Life was beginning to awaken.

Can you imagine the fanfare at a royal celebration, or a holiday festival? The trumpets blazing their song, the music constantly changing rhythms and beats, the gaiety of the many famous persons carried across the dark black asphalt. I too saw these sights, yet in a very different form. The wind began its frolic through the branches and hollows of nearby trees. The echo would reverberate through my very bones, causing them to rattle with gleeful chills. I heard the territorial chirps of jays and larks as they called out their greeting to the morning sun. I heard the soft rustle of leaves as energetic squirrels chased each other with such energy and passion as would rival the most rambunctious youth. I saw the gleaming notes of the sun echo off the surface of the lake, bringing about the calm of a chime in the minds cavernous imagination. I heard the joining of the rhythmic pattern of small waves hitting the rocky shore of the lake. This was beauty. This was celebration.

Can this calm be contested by the dangers out there? I believe not. Too much music can cause ruckus, can it not. The bird does eat the frolicking squirrel and the many predators of the wild do each commit their own atrocities. Yet it is these pauses, these rests, these interruptions to all the noise, which brings about certain calm that is yet to be surpassed. Time always ends; life is but the cannon echoing the verses of nature. I therefore beseech you to take not what little time you have left in certain ungratefulness. No matter how far you are from nature, or how stressed you are by your surroundings, take time to enjoy the settings that nature has provided. Can you still hear its melodious sonnet?

Sincerely,

Corneliu Radu Rodila

Last one, i didnt give this a title

Living only
deprived and unholy
just confessin only
to know im sufferin wholly
the wrath of my injustice
bearing burdens out for nothin
and im wonderin
who do i always fight for life
to stay still n lifeless
why am i like this
i fight this with bruised fists
hoping that i wont miss
somehow ill survive this
im targeted by classless
society under which i
raise my stats before its my time
i raise cash but aint got no dime
i live on water, givin no quarter
my crystal lies are kryptonite
sapping every will to fight
but i drank the water and took a bite
of eternity promised, thats right
im burnin thru this
faith like Moses facin burning bushes
cant stand this, i think im losing
but whats this?
like Samson i get through this
with faith for just a moment
i breath in the last cold mist
and check this
with God my faith aint never missed
i checked this
and now im restless
im living in eternal bliss
im in the fight again
and im still hit
im still his
im standing straight through this
hate and wrath and check this
im no longer standing faithless
no clay fists
not molding to the faces
im breakin
heads of times that take this
life of mine and painless
torment does reminisce
with tempting memories
reminding me of evergreens
always remaking things
and their stinging pins
sting my heart with no means
this dont mean
that its over though
it aint over till the fat lady sings
it aint a hill of beans
but it carries all my sins
that cross and those pins
cant hold my savior in
ive been
freed to be wholly
committed to the holy one in whom
my faith now rests
you heard this.

Well that is the last of the ones that i am going to publish. I hope you all enjoyed them. God bless.

Rap: Love Letter (God to man)

Dear man, let me begin
by listing some o' the things that've been
buggin me, its hard you see
to be everything you want me to be
a father in your deepest sin
I love you again, even when
you run from me, your stunbling
to catch your breath, your
eternally, part of me
apart from me you'll never see
the wonders i have happening
around you while your wandering
im wondering, will you come back to me
or will i be, eternally
without a part of everything
that makes me, well, me
you see, i understand
that burden makes it hard to stand
yet join the band,
I'm fully God and fully man
I've walked in, on many of your blunderin's
and im convinced, even if my heart breaks
i'll still ache, to have you safe at home plate
not overbaked
no longer will you take the bait
of temptation, come and join the nation
free from exasperation,
the lax interpretations of
be who you are, or be all that you can be
just turn to me, i hope you see
i love you eternally
just turn to me.

Free Flowing Poem

Hey, its been a while since I have last posted. A lot of things have been on my mind (sort of the reason I'm up so late right now, I cant seem to fall asleep). Anyways, I thought I would share a sequence of poems/ freestyle raps that I have come up with in the past few days. Its the only way I seem to be able to clear my mind, so here we go:

NO TITLE, POEM/ RAP MIX

Lets pop some verses
no gangsta rap, no curses
just worshipin in service
the worst is
silence when your conversin
you pour in
everything like hurt and sin
your cursin
all the times that could have been
the best thing thats happening
its crumbling
right before your eyes
and you let out cries
of hurt and desperation
tempting liberation
but be patient
it ain't over yet
you cant give or get
the things to make the best of it
dont start to quit
just because your getting hit
by the things you cant make sense of yet
just dont forget
God has placed a bet
all chips are in
and your calling him out
with every time you doubt
he has the better hand
you better hand
the reigns to him
stop mumbling
no more grumbling
he has given us joy to bring
voice to the others so that they can sing
the melodies of the King
even angels wings
can't stop your pain and suffering
just lean on him
just sing that hymn
that verse, note, or ensemble
forget the words just stay ON note
you'll know the love that God wrote
no more bad note
no heartbreak or heartache
just and earthquake
no time to wait
a second more may be too late
don't tempt fate
you see, this love will not evaporate
its here to stay
no guessing on the time of day
you dont have to pay
you cant turn away, you see
you can be looking at pornography
its just photography
of the pain that use to be part of me
im sorry
the history is all you see
forget about the selfless deeds
they were selfish needs
to be accepted by the best of these
im not at ease
i can't appease
both God and then the rest of these
forgive me please
or are the just some empty plea's
just me forging these
chains of my regret
i think im set
for cashing in my check
and miss on the Pearly Gate
will be my welcome plate
but wait
i know this aint my fate
i may be late
but love has not yet left the gate
you can look at history
and judge just who i use to be
but here i stand... free
and free i am eternally
i still dont know what i wanna be
but for now, im gonna be me.

so ya, that was the most recent one, tomorrow ill most likely be posting the other two. Much love to all of you. God bless

The War of Raindrops

It has been a crazy day today. Not only has everything begun anew (the high school drama stories, the multitudinous homework assignments, the migraines, etc.) but the weather seems to be putting on a new dance. Ever since second block (starts at about 9 for those of you who dont attend the Ridge) the clouds have seriously seemed to be mocking me. The distance was all dark, stormy, gray clouds pregnant with rain. The area above the school was a bright as any warm summer day. The wind must have been impressive in might because it moved clouds at an astonishingly rapid rate. Within 15 minutes the sky went from sunny to dark gray and storming. Despite the rain there were still rays of sunshine coming through. I was amazing. I found myself lost in thought at the magnitude of what was happeneing and often wishing i had Andy's high tech camera and camera skills so that i could take pictures because it had to have been something straight out of a sci-fi novel or something. Anyways I started my customary walk home with probably the biggest migraine I have ever had. And as I'm going through this whole thing I find myself thinking of songs and poems rather than of doom and dispair. The setting was set for what seemed an all out war between dark and light, good and evil, rain and shine. Through all this the positives seemed to be on my side. And now I have a little poem forming in my head that I thought i should share. I hope you all enjoy.

The last rays of golden hope
shine through the dreary mist
and soon the thunder boomed and spoke
of days that had been missed
of times that rhyme and rhythem broke
and melodies did kiss

And now the music of the clouds
does shine like crystal mists
amidst the powerful crowds
that fade in night's abyss
Oh please do not dispair
for worry or for bliss
as now we stand here watching
the heavens reminisce.

well there you have it. short but somethimes thats a good thing