Last one, i didnt give this a title

Living only
deprived and unholy
just confessin only
to know im sufferin wholly
the wrath of my injustice
bearing burdens out for nothin
and im wonderin
who do i always fight for life
to stay still n lifeless
why am i like this
i fight this with bruised fists
hoping that i wont miss
somehow ill survive this
im targeted by classless
society under which i
raise my stats before its my time
i raise cash but aint got no dime
i live on water, givin no quarter
my crystal lies are kryptonite
sapping every will to fight
but i drank the water and took a bite
of eternity promised, thats right
im burnin thru this
faith like Moses facin burning bushes
cant stand this, i think im losing
but whats this?
like Samson i get through this
with faith for just a moment
i breath in the last cold mist
and check this
with God my faith aint never missed
i checked this
and now im restless
im living in eternal bliss
im in the fight again
and im still hit
im still his
im standing straight through this
hate and wrath and check this
im no longer standing faithless
no clay fists
not molding to the faces
im breakin
heads of times that take this
life of mine and painless
torment does reminisce
with tempting memories
reminding me of evergreens
always remaking things
and their stinging pins
sting my heart with no means
this dont mean
that its over though
it aint over till the fat lady sings
it aint a hill of beans
but it carries all my sins
that cross and those pins
cant hold my savior in
ive been
freed to be wholly
committed to the holy one in whom
my faith now rests
you heard this.

Well that is the last of the ones that i am going to publish. I hope you all enjoyed them. God bless.

Rap: Love Letter (God to man)

Dear man, let me begin
by listing some o' the things that've been
buggin me, its hard you see
to be everything you want me to be
a father in your deepest sin
I love you again, even when
you run from me, your stunbling
to catch your breath, your
eternally, part of me
apart from me you'll never see
the wonders i have happening
around you while your wandering
im wondering, will you come back to me
or will i be, eternally
without a part of everything
that makes me, well, me
you see, i understand
that burden makes it hard to stand
yet join the band,
I'm fully God and fully man
I've walked in, on many of your blunderin's
and im convinced, even if my heart breaks
i'll still ache, to have you safe at home plate
not overbaked
no longer will you take the bait
of temptation, come and join the nation
free from exasperation,
the lax interpretations of
be who you are, or be all that you can be
just turn to me, i hope you see
i love you eternally
just turn to me.

Free Flowing Poem

Hey, its been a while since I have last posted. A lot of things have been on my mind (sort of the reason I'm up so late right now, I cant seem to fall asleep). Anyways, I thought I would share a sequence of poems/ freestyle raps that I have come up with in the past few days. Its the only way I seem to be able to clear my mind, so here we go:

NO TITLE, POEM/ RAP MIX

Lets pop some verses
no gangsta rap, no curses
just worshipin in service
the worst is
silence when your conversin
you pour in
everything like hurt and sin
your cursin
all the times that could have been
the best thing thats happening
its crumbling
right before your eyes
and you let out cries
of hurt and desperation
tempting liberation
but be patient
it ain't over yet
you cant give or get
the things to make the best of it
dont start to quit
just because your getting hit
by the things you cant make sense of yet
just dont forget
God has placed a bet
all chips are in
and your calling him out
with every time you doubt
he has the better hand
you better hand
the reigns to him
stop mumbling
no more grumbling
he has given us joy to bring
voice to the others so that they can sing
the melodies of the King
even angels wings
can't stop your pain and suffering
just lean on him
just sing that hymn
that verse, note, or ensemble
forget the words just stay ON note
you'll know the love that God wrote
no more bad note
no heartbreak or heartache
just and earthquake
no time to wait
a second more may be too late
don't tempt fate
you see, this love will not evaporate
its here to stay
no guessing on the time of day
you dont have to pay
you cant turn away, you see
you can be looking at pornography
its just photography
of the pain that use to be part of me
im sorry
the history is all you see
forget about the selfless deeds
they were selfish needs
to be accepted by the best of these
im not at ease
i can't appease
both God and then the rest of these
forgive me please
or are the just some empty plea's
just me forging these
chains of my regret
i think im set
for cashing in my check
and miss on the Pearly Gate
will be my welcome plate
but wait
i know this aint my fate
i may be late
but love has not yet left the gate
you can look at history
and judge just who i use to be
but here i stand... free
and free i am eternally
i still dont know what i wanna be
but for now, im gonna be me.

so ya, that was the most recent one, tomorrow ill most likely be posting the other two. Much love to all of you. God bless

The War of Raindrops

It has been a crazy day today. Not only has everything begun anew (the high school drama stories, the multitudinous homework assignments, the migraines, etc.) but the weather seems to be putting on a new dance. Ever since second block (starts at about 9 for those of you who dont attend the Ridge) the clouds have seriously seemed to be mocking me. The distance was all dark, stormy, gray clouds pregnant with rain. The area above the school was a bright as any warm summer day. The wind must have been impressive in might because it moved clouds at an astonishingly rapid rate. Within 15 minutes the sky went from sunny to dark gray and storming. Despite the rain there were still rays of sunshine coming through. I was amazing. I found myself lost in thought at the magnitude of what was happeneing and often wishing i had Andy's high tech camera and camera skills so that i could take pictures because it had to have been something straight out of a sci-fi novel or something. Anyways I started my customary walk home with probably the biggest migraine I have ever had. And as I'm going through this whole thing I find myself thinking of songs and poems rather than of doom and dispair. The setting was set for what seemed an all out war between dark and light, good and evil, rain and shine. Through all this the positives seemed to be on my side. And now I have a little poem forming in my head that I thought i should share. I hope you all enjoy.

The last rays of golden hope
shine through the dreary mist
and soon the thunder boomed and spoke
of days that had been missed
of times that rhyme and rhythem broke
and melodies did kiss

And now the music of the clouds
does shine like crystal mists
amidst the powerful crowds
that fade in night's abyss
Oh please do not dispair
for worry or for bliss
as now we stand here watching
the heavens reminisce.

well there you have it. short but somethimes thats a good thing

Peaceful Chaos

So, where to begin and where to end. The ending begins the cyclic start of metaphoric chaos that seems to consume the way I view things..... sort of. Basically what is happening is seemingly endless, and therefore must have some place to start. Before I go on allow me to introduce the problem.
Basically there is something that has been bugging me for a while. As some of you know, I have been struggling with an "addiction." This single, parasite, this single deed, this one small tumor in my life has managed to destroy just about everything I thought I stood for. Confused? Don't worry so am I. To make things clearer, I'm going to go ahead and say that this addiction is to pornography. Ya, the killer of thousands of marriages, destroyer of millions of homes, and assassin of billions of relationships. Yet it is still there. I have not only heard of lives destroyed by this but i have experienced it, through my friends, through acquaintances, and through experience. Now I am glad to admit that it has become less of an issue. I am sorry to admit that it has only led to more problems.
I have become one of the thousands of modern teens who has become hooked by computer games, specifically the exorbitantly popular MMORPG (Multi-Massive Online Role Playing Game) genre. Sure this isn't a bad thing, right? I guess that is right; but not in the way that it has manifested itself in my life and in the lives of many teens worldwide. It consumes our thoughts making it impossible to concentrate on our work. It consumes our time, making us moan at the thought of having to leave this time investment to complete other assignments. It consumes our honesty making us lie to a friend or even use it as a really lame excuse to get out of something. (umm, ya Tom, i cant go to that movie tonight im doing something.... die cyborg die, umm i mean bye) or something along those random lines. Sure it does help with keeping my focus on something other than all the pressure that i have right now, or even off the original addiction.
It has led to more complaints about how life is going, my attempt to maintain a positive attitude has turned into more of a facade that I try to keep around other so that they are comfortable around me. The problem is it has become so uncontrolable that i can hardly distinguish between when im faking something and when im myself. Scary but true.
It has destroyed my grades in school and i find myself more on the catch-up track trying to look like I have everything under control when really things are more confusing now that i have learned about them than they were when I knew nothing about them.
I would like to take this chance to apologize. To my friends, sorry if I'm being a hypocrite, or just seem distant or changed. I want to be back, but I'm still trying to get things straightened out so that I can see the light to the way out. To all those who I gave a lame excuse to, I'm not blaming the addiction, it's me, and im sorry. To those I have disappointed, PLEASE come talk to me about it, I don't wish the pain i have caused to be forced upon anyone. To my Family and my Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I'm glad to call you such. You have been the hope i have been holding on to. Thank you.

-Radu Rodila

P.S.- Kelsey if you read this i understand what you mean by bipolar blogs :P

updates

Hey guys,
I know that I have not exactly been the most active blogger in the world. I don't actually know whats even going on in my mind right now. There are so many things that rush through the empty spaces that were once filled with creativity and imagination. Nothing seems real anymore. Things are not exactly tough, and maybe I just need to change my attitude about life, but I can't find my inspiration. I don't know why this bugs me so much, but it seems as if my sanity is quick to follow the pattern. Anyways, i hope everyone is having a great week. Ill keep you guys posted, maybe i left my mind back at Myrtle Beach, or maybe somewhere along the way. It may yet come back to me.
God bless,
Radu Rodila

True Wisdom

Lately, I feel like i have been stuck in a deep rut of lies and fortifications that i cant escape. My life full of pride seems to take away from who I want to be. My whole life depends on being the social immage that has been built up for me. I feel almost pressured at times to make a wise or deep quotation off the bat like I'm a fortune cookie or something. Truely I know that people do not have this expectation for me, but i feel like its there waiting to trap me. So lately this week I had thoughts come to mind, as i walk home, of what true wisdom is.

Wisdom is not the saying of something wise. Wisdom cannot change a life, or even a mentality for that matter. Wisdom is something that is planted in the soil of the heart by an amazing God, and nothing can change that. Wisdom is what God has taught you, words are the actions that share it. If it changes a life that is great. If it changes someone mentality for the better, then it can be a good thing also. God gives us words for a reason, and we have to use them. Nothing changes unless there is courage of someone to say it. The wise part is that even though everyone knows it, they don't discover it for themselves until AFTER it has been said. I thank everyone for helping me see that the world does not need another lyricist; that all this world really needs is the courage to make the obvious stand in the spotlight for a few seconds, and maybe then can true wisdom shine.

I may not be wise. I am saved, and that makes all the difference. Maybe one day ill find what God has to teach me, and then through my words i may yet act on it.